Education: mental health�s preventative medicine

How a lack of education delayed my diagnosis of bipolar disorder

- Edward Huntly

In February, I was diagnosed with Rapid Cycling Bipolar Affective Disorder, a condition which causes me to cycle between the extremities of mood. It was news I didn�t fully understand, and in the four months since, I�ve been forced to educate myself on an illness which will be with me for life.

In my own way, I�d learnt to understand the rhythms of my mental health from an early age, experiencing my first bout of depression aged fifteen. For years, these heavy, suffocating states made regular appearances; they would occur three or four times a year, for weeks or months at a time.

At this point, I don�t think I�d even come across the word �bipolar� yet, and I had a very narrow understanding of depression. I was convinced that the term wasn�t applicable to my circumstances, because the lows always went away. Instead, I decided I was weak, unique and abnormal, which led me to suffer in silence.

By the time I arrived at university, several years later, these depressions had become darker, more dangerous, and much more volatile. Within days, I could abruptly shift from a �low� to a state of high energy, confidence and character, completely detached from the mood that preceded it.

Now, when the depressions lifted, I faced new challenges: periods of rapid and obsessive thoughts which would immobilise me as much as the lows. The complete lack of control was, and still is, terrifying. Finally, I sought help.

I was referred to a psychiatrist, and was told with conviction that these symptoms were all typical of bipolar. The diagnosis was an unwelcome surprise, but also a liberating one; I had finally been given a framework within which to understand, and a clinical vocabulary with which to express, the experiences of the previous six years.

Together, we explored the developments of my mental health since adolescence: the changing form of my depressions, the significance of its cycling nature, and the neglected symptoms of �highs�. Hypomanic episodes, the other �pole� of the condition, tend to be characterized by euphoria, unchallenged ambition, disinhibition, high energy, and the rapid thoughts I�d become well acquainted with.

We discussed my unpredictable spending sprees: the unused accordion, the �1,000 pursuit to learn three languages at once, and the vast array of old boxes I�d considered essential at the time of purchase. Then came the erratic behaviour. Just weeks earlier, dressed in chequered shirts, I invested hundreds in wood-whittling kits and, to a background of country music, I planned a trip to remote Alaska, believing that my destiny lay with the land.

Despite my symptoms being relatively pronounced, I knew little about bipolar�s lesser known characteristics, and had subsequently been unable to connect the complexities of my mental health to it. As a result, the medication that aims to halt the progression of bipolar disorder came into my life much later than was ideal.

I lacked an education on the details, experiences and realities of mental health; instead, I drew on the popular misconceptions which mental health stigma creates. I formed a deeply entrenched belief that my mental health was a self-inflicted weakness, and became determined that I didn�t deserve help.

A comprehensive education to explore the origins of my mental health would have challenged this philosophy, and would have given me reliable information on which I could base an understanding of my experiences.

Education should be seen as mental health�s preventative medicine. It confronts the stigma, stands up to ignorance, and strengthens solidarity. It�s reassurance to those who suffer that they are not alone, and that they are not to blame for the ill health that befalls them.

Hi, I'm Ed! Earlier this year, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Affective Disorder. Ever since, I have been trying to understand my condition. This is the first time I�ve spoken publicly about my experience, and in doing so, I hope to help break down the barriers for those around me which prevent us from openly discussing our mental health. 

What You Don't See

'This blog is about educating people on anorexia and how by looking at someone, you cannot know what they are going through inside.'

                                                                                                            - Claire McKenna

In my blogs, I have talked about how people�s comments can be so dangerous for those suffering with eating disorders and other forms of mental health difficulties.

The most distressing comments I endure that have the biggest effect on me is on the lines of �you don�t look like you have anorexia�, �you�d never think by looking at you� you eat enough though don�t you�?�

Yes. You may have seen me eat and it may not have been just a plate of lettuce leaves. You might look at me and be aware that I don�t look malnourished or emaciated anymore.

But, you don�t see the constant battle inside that is happening every day of my life.

You don�t see the struggle and anxiety I feel before facing a meal and how much my head is telling me not to eat it.

You don�t see my terrified thoughts and how daunted I am to put that food near my mouth.

You can�t see anorexia screaming so loudly at me to not eat, telling me I am fat and this next meal is going to make me even bigger and how everyone thinks I am greedy.

You don�t see me after meals hating myself for what I�ve just put inside me, or trying to fight the urge to get rid of it and feel �empty� again.

You don�t see me standing in front of the mirror, hardly able to open my eyes because I�m so mortified, distressed and repulsed by what stands in front of me!
You can�t see how alone and inadequate I feel or my desperation to get rid of the excess fat from every part of my body.

You don�t see me when I feel obese and can�t allow myself to sit down because I know you burn more calories standing rather than sitting or lying down.

This is because anorexia is a MENTAL illness not a physical illness, just like you can�t tell by looking at someone if they have depression, PTSD, OCD, Bipolar etc.

Being told you don�t look like you have an eating disorder just sends the message that one needs to do more to lose weight or that they are �not ill enough� to have an eating disorder or receive treatment/support.

Each time I hear the words �you don�t look anorexic�, my instinct is to plan how from that moment on what meals I will skip, how much extra exercise I should do. I can�t put my finger on why it does this, but it just does. That one comment can put a halt in my recovery and send me backwards, upsetting all the hard work I�ve done to get where I am now. This is because eating disorders are fatal mind games.

Therefore, it is so important that people are aware of how comments can create distress and trigger individuals. The only way people will understand this is by being educated on the matter, in which I have created this blog.

Hi, I'm Claire. I have recently just graduated with a first class honours in BA Education at the University of Birmingham. I currently write my own blog to try and raise awareness of mental health and remove the unhelpful stigmas that are often attached. I wanted to share some of these blogs and write for Student Minds as I have been suffering with Anorexia and depression for over 8 years.

If you're struggling with an eating disorder, there is help and support out there. Visit the Student Minds support page where you can find more information and places to go for help.

Visit support page here.