Secrets, Shame, and Sharing your Story

Andrew explores why it took him time to open up about his mental health struggles, and why he resists being labelled as 'disabled'.

- Andrew

I was diagnosed with depression at seventeen years old. Fortunately for me I have friends who, at the time, convinced me that I needed to tell my parents something wasn�t right in my head. In my first appointments with many psychiatrist and psychologists I was told the same thing, almost word for word: �there is a chemical imbalance in your brain� and �you aren�t producing enough serotonin�. During that time of regularly seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist, taking my daily medication (SSRI�s), there were only a handful of people who knew I had depression. My depression was something which made me ashamed.

While I was at university, I decided I wanted to keep it to myself and not tell the university. That was, until I reached my final year and was required to complete a final project. After a few mental breakdowns in the computer labs, I decided to tell my lectures and seek help. I was then directed to �Disability Services�. I can remember being on the phone to one of the university employees who help �disabled students' and I cried afterwards. He was extremely nice, but it felt devastating. Being labelled as �disabled� really set me back. I can understand their reasoning for sending me to �Disability Services�, but it�s not the type of thing a 23-year-old wants to hear.

I had a few opportunities to open up about my depression. One occasion came when I was offered to share my story with a charity called Baytr back home in Australia, but I wasn�t ready and was just changing my medication. But once university finished, I felt free and didn�t feel the need to wear a �disabled� label. 

Just before I moved to the UK, I sat down with the founder of Batyr for coffee in Sydney. He told me about Student Minds and said I should get in touch. When I eventually made the move to the UK, I decided I wasn�t going to let my depression define me. Writing my first blog for Student Minds in April 2017 was the first real moment I felt comfortable and fine with people knowing that I have depression. I even told my current employers about my mental health when I was offered my job.

Now I have regular sit downs with my managers at work and talk about my counselling, my workload, my mental health and if there is any way they can help me if I�m struggling. I can�t thank enough all those people who have given me support and so much positive feedback. I�ve learnt that being depressed isn�t something to be ashamed of, and it shouldn�t define you. In the last month, I have turned to yoga and crossfit to �exercise my demons�, as well as reading books about the human consciousness to retrain my brain to be more positive. 

Really, my journey has only just begun.

I am a twenty-five-year-old Aussie bloke; atfer buying my one-way ticket and making the big move, I came into contact with Student Minds and applied for their Fundraising Champions initiative earlier this year, and when I was elected, my head filled up with ideas on how I can help break down this mental health stigma. I wanted to start by sharing my story with Student Minds and the extended mental health community.