It�s Easier to Run

Michael discusses how he uses running to as a way to cope with depression and anxiety.

-Michael

For a long time I struggled with depression and social anxiety and my two ways of coping with these feelings, avoidance and distraction. Now, having learned how unhelpful these behaviours are for my mental health, I have developed a new way of coping, running, which has been massively beneficial for my wellbeing. Here, I recall the destructive impact of psychologically running away from my feelings through avoidance and distraction, and the benefit of physically running for my mental health.

Firstly, avoidance. I would run away from social contact. I was convinced that people would see me as I saw myself, and whilst I had become numb to my own pain, I found that, around others, I felt an expectation (real or imagined) that I could only disappoint, an intensified self-consciousness and humiliation, and a heightened sense of vulnerability and misplacement. I distanced and isolated myself, pushing away and shutting down anyone that tried to reach out to me.

Second, distraction. I would run through life as fast as I could to try and distract myself from how I was feeling: I was running away from myself. In my desire to distract myself, I became unhealthily occupied by my University studies. For me, study was simultaneously a manifestation, an excuse and a comfort for my isolation; a psychological space to channel my self-dissatisfaction as perfectionism, whilst at the same time being one where I didn�t have to face anyone and where I could pretend to myself and others that my isolation was a choice that I was in control of.

Clearly then, these safety behaviours were destructive. They exacerbated the very feelings and insecurities that I was running away from. I lost both confidence and practice in social situations which simply reinforced my beliefs of inadequacy and misplacement. It�s like the harder I ran away from my feelings, the bigger the shadow that I was running from became and the harder it became to face. It had become a cycle that felt impossible to break out of. Not only this, but in running away from myself and others, I ended up shutting down any opportunity to get help or support. Just as I felt I couldn�t run anymore, I reached the finish line: the line in my life were I was finished. I was finished running and I knew that I had to, with some help, make some changes.

This is why I decided to run the Edinburgh Marathon for Student Minds. I am running, but this time I am running as an enabling and empowering physical activity, not as a destructive psychological defence mechanism. In doing so, I hope both to raise funds for Student Minds and to raise awareness of student mental health issues and the support available. I am still running but now, with the direction and support provided by Student Minds, I am moving forward. Increasing my physical activity has massively benefitted my mental health: I am eating better, sleeping better and have so much more energy to cope with life�s pressures. Sometimes, it�s easier to run.

If you would like to donate, you can do here: https://mydonate.bt.com/fundraisers/michaelpriestley2

Hi, I'm Michael. I'm currently a PhD student at Durham University and wanted to write for Student Minds about my own experiences of depression, anxiety and university life.

Supporting from the field: Manchester Men�s Hockey Club

Student Minds is the chosen charity for Manchester University Men�s Hockey Club. Here, John explores why they chose Student Minds, and what hockey is like beyond the sport itself.

- John

It�s easy to assume that most university sports clubs fulfil the stereotype: a big group of lads who don�t necessarily have the capacity for sincerity, sensibility, or a conversation on the subject of anything other than �beer and banter�. As one of the largest clubs at Manchester University, everyone in the Men�s Hockey Club is aware that this is how we are viewed by many who don�t know us. However, the reality is actually very different.

The friends that I have in the hockey club are genuinely among the most considerate and friendly people you could possibly come across. The club has always been keen to emphasise that it is inclusive to everyone, and the experience always trumps the hearsay. I�ll always remember my very own Freshers� Welcome Day -  every current member of the club took genuine interest and the time to ask who I was, what I was studying, and have a chat. Especially considering that I hadn�t played hockey for two years, this had the potential to be an intimidating environment, being watched by established members of the club. However, I managed not to embarrass myself, and instead I met people who I am friends with today. 

It never fails to amaze me, seeing how a sport can bring people together. We have so many members from a variety of different backgrounds, but we all have hockey in common � which at the end of the day is all that matters. This unifying factor creates a tight-knit community; the hockey boys are some of the most loyal guys I know.

This is why we decided to support Student Minds, and why it is such an important cause for us. For me, hockey is an outlet from the stresses of university life. I am a third year Architecture student, and the grade I achieve will ultimately affect the direction of my career. On top of my own personal life, that�s a lot of pressure. When I�m on that pitch, though, my only worry is the scoreline, the man I have to mark, or the pass I�m looking to play. Many will tell you that Wednesdays are sacred, and we mean it. It�s one day of the week where nothing else matters. 

Supporting Student Minds reflects what our club is to us. Hockey helps us, and we want to make sure that others have the same kind of support. 1 in 4 students suffers from a mental health issue, and while hockey is a fantastic community and support system, the pressures to perform well on the pitch can affect people, myself included. Mental wellbeing interacts with physical wellbeing, and this is a cause that is genuinely close to our hearts. 

This year, we have baked, raffled, even grown moustaches to raise money for Student Minds, and we�ve also been encouraging other clubs to take up the cause too. We�ve also just booked a charity club night, are planning a bingo evening, organising a campus league tournament, and are running the Manchester 10k in aid of Student Minds. Any of my team mates will tell you that with my asthma, I rarely last 10 minutes on the field, so 10k is a real challenge!

When you think of a university sports club now, hopefully you will see us as a group of lads who care about each other and are ready to welcome anyone into their world. Don�t get me wrong, we still have our weird traditions, and sing our songs louder than the rugby lot, but we also really care that everyone has the best possible time at university. We are proud to support Student Minds, and show that it�s ok to have problems, its ok to talk, and that even �the hockey lads� have some heart.

Hi, I�m John. I�m an architecture student at Manchester and the charity secretary for the Men�s Hockey Club. I personally have suffered with mental health issues, and as a club, we are motivated to change attitudes towards it and to support Student Minds in the work that they do.

Why I decided to shave my head for Mental Health Charities

Amelia shares her journey to making the decision to shave her head for mental health charities.

- Amelia Hartley

I recently created a video, posted on YouTube, sharing my story behind choosing to shave my head on the 3rd December this year to raise money for Student Minds and the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM).

Despite writing about my motivations on my fundraising page and in emails to friends and family, writing and filming a video to be posted online for the world to see was an incredibly daunting process. It took a lot of courage: courage I didn�t know I had. It showed me how far I have come and how much strength I have � we all have so much strength.

I�ve experienced some heightened anxiety over the past couple of months. Tackling a big fundraising goal is �2500 isn�t easy. I�ve had fears of not reaching my target, nobody attending the event, being laughed at or judged once the hair goes, friends not supporting me�the list goes on! However, I have had plenty of individuals express their support and encouragement.

Shaving my head for charity has become so much more than just trying to raise money for the causes. It�s also about showing people that it�s okay to talk about mental health and that recovery doesn�t happen overnight. It�s about reducing the stigma, as we all have mental health and we should all respect it like we do with our physical health. It�s about raising awareness of two amazing charities who are supporting thousands of individuals across the UK and will continue to support thousands more. I never thought I would one day be able to talk openly and honestly about my mental health, but here I am.

I was 14, and living in Sydney, when first diagnosed with depression. I felt like the only person of my friends, year group, even school, who wasn't 'happy' all the time. I thought I shouldn't feel like this because nothing had happened to trigger how I felt. I was looking for an excuse, and hoping that excuse would provide a solution to becoming better.

My methods for feeling better weren't healthy; I was self-harming, drinking and isolating myself. I had suicidal feelings. I started taking anti-depressants but I didn�t want anyone to know, or they'd know that something was wrong with me. I�ve realised now how helpful they are to some people, including myself. I still take them, but I�m not embarrassed or ashamed; having depression isn�t shameful.

In September 2010, my best friend died and my world completely fell apart. This was my first experience of 'suicide'. It was a matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and we will never know whatever led him to that point. A life taken at 18: he had so much more to do, and we had so much love and hugs still to give him. Sometimes things are buried so deeply that nobody can help at the crucial moment. I would do anything to bring him back, but since I can�t, I want to try to help fewer men take their own lives. This is why I have chosen the Campaign Against Living Miserably, the male suicide prevention charity, as one of the charities to raise money for. In 2016, 76% of all suicides in the UK were male, and this has been the case since the early 1990s. It is the biggest killer of men under 45. However, CALM prevents over 250 suicides every year. They offer a helpline, website resources, and support, tackle stigma through massive national campaigns and increase the awareness of male suicide rates. Just a �7 donation can pay for a potentially life-saving call, so giving a little can do a lot.

I have personally seen that suicide is preventable � another close friend of mine, who had a suicide attempt, has come far and is alive and well today. I am so thankful he had the right help and support, and am pleased I could support him too.

In 2011, I moved back to England and took the opportunity to improve my academic work and my mental health. Despite lots of ups and downs, I did well in my A levels and went to study Physics at university, excited by the opportunity to continue learning.

Three months before moving to Southampton, from nowhere, I felt a massive dip in my mental health and began drinking and caring very little about myself. Starting university, I didn�t feel in control and was very vulnerable, and then my uncle suddenly passed away over the Christmas holiday. Jon was like a father to me, who I had hoped would be at my graduation and walk me down the aisle at my wedding. I felt like a part of myself had been brutally and abruptly ripped from me. 

I spiralled. I couldn�t concentrate in lectures or sit exams without crying. I didn�t feel I could talk to people; it seemed no one would understand the grief or pain I was experiencing. I couldn�t pretend to be ok and couldn�t be rude, so I isolated myself. Feeling outside of myself, I was watching �me� go through each day without any control. There were times when I couldn�t picture the next 24 hours. I was scared of myself. 

I had to start recovery. University was still the route I thought I was going to be taking, so I stopped drinking and started taking care of myself. I went into second year with a positive frame of mind but my mental health still wasn�t great, even though it had improved.

I found that university was making things worse. Opportunities I�d found in university were the things that were keeping me going such as running a Student Minds peer support group for students experiencing low moods. The programme I was facilitating, and subsequent support network, kept me going through second year and allowed me to leave university knowing I�d made the right decision to drop out. Student Minds saved me � I don�t know where I�d be without them. The mental health of university students would be at a crisis point without the peer support, staff training, campaigns and sector influence that Student Minds offers. This is why I have chosen them as my second charity. Their work is hugely recognised, and it is an honour to now work for the charity.

You can�t always see depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts. You don�t always know how much someone is struggling. It doesn�t always show outwardly; they might not talk about it because they�re worried about others� reactions. If I tell someone that I have clinical depression and anxiety or have experienced suicidal thoughts, they might change how they behave around me or panic. It�s not necessarily an illness with an easy diagnosis and treatment, where people wish you to get well soon and celebrate your recovery. Mental health difficulties and suicide affect millions of individuals across the UK. For that, I will do my bit by shaving my head and raising as much money as I possibly can for the Campaign Against Living Miserably and Student Minds.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, please donate if you can, please share this as much as possible. We can all share our stories and they can have more impact than we ever imagine.

Fundraising page: https://mydonate.bt.com/fundraisers/ameliagoesbald

Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/h7JCdp0QkpI

Hi, I'm Amelia and I am the Training Programmes Manager at Student Minds. I previously volunteered for the charity, and love now being part of the staff team. I've had lots of ups and downs over the years, but have found Oxford a beautiful place to live and work, and the countryside certainly helps my mood! We all have mental health, let's keep fighting the stigma.